Screw it
[I don't fucking care anymore... I've been trying so hard all damn day to keep my spirits up, and all fucking month to raise my grades - I've got 100s in Spanish and Chemistry right now - but I just don't fucking care anymore. My Chem and CalTech teachers treat me like an in-class tutor or something; my Spanish teacher thinks I'm a fucking native speaker and treats me accordingly; my Webmastering teacher thinks that every time I come in without saying G'morning I'm in a bad mood. I've got a million and two things I'm supposed to do, and a million and three I want to do. And I'm actually trying to have something of a social life this year, but all it's doing is getting in the way...I don't know how these people can do it. I mean, J- and X- stay up all night studying and working on crap, and then show up the next morning ready for more. I can't do that.]
[I'm being unfair. It's not really that bad. It's just been a -really- long day. Oh, sure, it started out all right, but I kept making things worse. In algebra, I paid attention to the teacher instead of working on the next two sections. In CalTech, I spent the time I should have spent making up what I didn't do in Algebra helping this other idiot to figure out interval notation - waste of time, they never got it anyway. We watched a movie in world history, so I lost a solid hour and a half there. I made a fool of myself in Spanish because I thought I'd misunderstood the reading...turned out I was right. The guy really did turn into a newspaper. I nearly fell asleep on the bus, so I didn't figure out where Campeche Circle is like I was supposed to. Then when I got home I wasted half an hour on guitar, another on eating, and then I actually watched part of my show, so there's over an hour gone down the drain...when I finally got started, I didn't do the assignment right so I have to redo it tomorrow. And then when I started math, I couldn't concentrate anymore because I was annoyed with myself, so of course I couldn't understand the new section. And when I got up to get a drink from the kitchen I found that the dog had somehow managed to completely empty the trash can and spread its contents over the entire kitchen floor...its wet, soggy, rotten, egg- and banana-goo covered contents. So I yelled at the dog and made him go outside, and now I feel really bad. And I'm covered in egg goo and coffee beans. And my mom came home and made me turn down the music.]
[That book is coming fucking true. I keep doing all this stuff for other people and expecting nothing in return. I work ahead in algebra so that I can spend my class time - my class time - explaining things to this idiot girl who sits next to me and won't shut up long enough to listen and always complains about how she's so stupid and everything's hard when you're stupid. I get behind in Spanish because my teacher appoints me "coordinator" of the group and the group won't stay on task long enough to read the damn story (half a fucking page!) much less answer the questions that follow. I use a hundred odd sheets of paper and an hour of my time editing and printing something for my friend. I offer two other friends, both of whom are perfectly nice but don't have a clue, to tutor them for the next big test in Spanish. I all but agree to go to the movies on Friday when I know perfectly well that I really need to spend the entire day at my desk catching up on all of my personal projects that I haven't done in a month. I clean up the kitchen by myself rather than let my mom know that her dog's being vile. And what do I get in return? "I need you to tutor me for my French test!" "...But I don't speak French." "So? You can still help me!" / "Hey, what's number ten?" "Thirty-six to the x-th power." "No it's not!" "Uh...yeah, it is." "No, it's not! You're wrong! It's three!" "*sigh* Here, let me show you... *scribble scribble scribble*" "...oh. Then what's eleven?"]
[And people wonder why I get so fucking depressed.]
[I'm going to go do something now...not sure what, probably edit my friend's fic for her or something... Something that doesn't benefit me at all, but that will get someone else into college. Gah. I hate life. I hate Atlas Shrugged. I hate reality. I hate myself. I hate everything.]
Random Quote of the Day:
I hate television. I hate it as much as I hate peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts.
- Orson Welles
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