Confusion. Chaos. Things of that nature.

And it's starting to get rather old. A is still being depressed over her breakup with Y, and it's beginning to worry me...again. She was supposed to come over here yesterday. Decided at almost the last minute that she would rather stay at home. Fine, I understand. Made plans for her to come over today, after the Den. Ended up not going to the Den, due to all rides being otherwise occupied by sailing, but still could have brought her over for food - again, at the last second, decided to stay where she was. Which would not have been bothersome, except that she didn't exactly sound all that happy.

I don't know, I just...feel useless, when it comes to something like this. I can't read people like her. I'm open with most of my feelings, and the few that I really try to hide always come out anyway, so when other people actually manage to keep theirs well-hidden, I flat never realize it. I trust people to be honest about what they want, and to actually, you know, tell someone. So when they don't, I don't recognize it. Which creates problems.

This still isn't coming out like I want it to, but it's more than I've managed before, so I'm just gonna go with it for now.

Basically, I'm lost. I'm stuck in the middle of three people I love, and I don't want to see any of them hurt. (And when I say "love", I don't mean in a romantic way. Just thought I'd make that clear, since that's the issue at the heart of the problem - no pun intended). One I keep thinking I know pretty well, but all the same I keep getting proven wrong. Another I have some minor insight into, but nothing particularly deep. The third I hardly know at all. It...distresses me to see someone that I generally view as a sort of adopted sister to be hurting herself in so many ways - and that's exactly what she's doing. It doesn't take a genius to figure that one out.

I don't know, maybe I'm just overreacting. I have a tendency to do that. Still, the whole matter bothers me. And then some online idiot has to go and throw in her two bits' worth, when she doesn't even know the other people involved - just to keep things interesting, ne? Call it the overprotectiveness syndrome if you will, but I was ready to...well. Let's just leave that one to the imagination, shall we?

Actually - sharp left hand turn here - I think I may have identified part of the reason why this whole mess bothers me so much. Well, not so sharp, and two reasons. One, it resembles far too closely the "Fluffy" misadventure. I'm still distinctly displeased with that entire series of events. And two, it repeatedly throws in my face the fact that I have yet to resolve my own "romantic" issues. Two distinct crushes, one of which has been ongoing for several years but does not seem at all likely to go anywhere and one of which is only now approaching a one-year anniversary and, due to past events, is equally unlikely to progress. Every other crush over the years - and with solid comparisons now available, I've found that I've actually had more than I like to admit - I've been able to ignore or set aside, or merely waited until it removed itself through one expedient or another. These two have been rather more stubborn. And frankly, I'm less than pleased with the situation.

Meh. There's more I could say, more I almost want to say, but I think I've already said more than I should. And the problem with posting things to the Internet is, someone will find them eventually. The more I say, the more likely it is that I'll just make the situation worse.

So I'm going to go have an Oreo, take a shower, and lay in bed for a few hours trying to concentrate on something a mite less worrying. Hopefully, a lack of sleep will promote a prevention for a continuance of the same circumstance.

But before I do so, perhaps I should mention that there's a reason I listen to this over...and over...and over...interspersed occasionally with Art of Life. It doesn't express my exact feelings, but sometimes it comes darned close. (Art of Life is almost exact.)

I hear a knock on the door,
closing in on my eyes,
lost in the consciousness
is your whisper,
Over coming a melting heart,
a faded portrait reflects
my disappearing memories.

At once and still chaotic,
hateful black heart,
closes in on me.
A sharp, transient feeling, in a single wave,
becomes a hysterical wind.
Stopping tears, and held in feelings
in a colourless silence.

I've nothing to lose
(love me till the end),
except your heart.

Blood flows from your wrists and body
into the distant seas of time

Weekend, weekend, weekend,
I'm at my wits end.
Weekend, weekend, weekend,
I'm at my wits end.
Weekend??

I've nothing to lose
(love me till the end),
except your heart,
I've nothing to lose
(love me till the end),
except your heart.

No way out...
I hear a knock on the door,
closing in on my eyes,
lost in the consciousness is your whisper.
Blood flows from your wrists and body
into the distant seas of time...

weekend ... weekend.... .Weekend ...
I still love you ...
Weekend ...
but I cannot carry on!

Blood flows from your wrists and body
into the distant seas of time ...

Weekend, weekend, weekend,
I'm at my wits end,
Weekend, weekend, weekend,
I'm at my wits end.
Weekend, weekend, weekend,
I'm at my wits end.
Weekend, weekend, weekend,
I'm at my wits end.
Weekend...weekend ... weekend...